Usher is one of my hero's. He aint the best singer or dancer of all-time, but he has inspired me and his music and fashion are things I would turn to whenever I needed to pick myself up from heartbreak or Derrick Rose tearing his ACL. I wore the cologne and bought the leather jacket and memorized all the words to the "Confessions" album.We used to bounce around the truck on the way to kick it just like him in the "U Dont have to Call" video.

One time I pulled up in the green leather, and my boy Justin hit me with the "uh-oh, here come Usher!" I was roasted and flattered at the same damn time.


He is the honorary Classic black Dude. Looking back, his music about women has paralleled my own. I went through everything except the divorce.

Inspired by Jay Z's "4:44" Here are five Usher songs that match a relationship scenario I have experienced. Feel free to do the dance steps if youre playing at home. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent…and guilty)

5) Superstar

About my third year into comedy, this crazy thing happened…I started to get funny on stage. At a show in the south suburbs, I met "Milenda" and although the crowd was rough, I had her cracking up. Things moved fast, and she started to come to more shows and support whenever she could. In the words of Q-Tip, she was a "good girl, real good girl." 

One day I checked my Facebook and saw she had posted a photo of her wearing a shirt she made with my headshot on it. The caption read "everybody Starneeds their biggest fan." I was BLOWN AWAY. The story should have ended with the proposing, but that's not how life always works. This is Part 1.

4) Climax

Part 2…

So, as "Melinda" had been attracted to me because of the way I performed, she wasn't the only one. I got sloppy with the attention. I was leaving my lap top and messages open, and somehow I wasn't the only one with the password to my Facebook account. Fame is an addiction, and it was very new to me.

I did not handle it well.

It was accusation after accusation, but I was only flirting. All of a sudden the breakfast every morning had stopped and she definitely didn't wear the "superstar" shirt ever again. One time, we were driving home from a show, and I was just sitting at a green light because I was too busy checking my phone. She didn't say a word, just looked at me the whole time while I was busy in my dm's.

"You missed a green light because you were locked up in your phone" she said"

She put the aux chord in her phone and played "Climax" by Usher and we both knew at that point that's excerpt what we had reached. Going nowhere fast, we broke up officially two weeks later when I saw my favorite Polo sweater covered in bleach.

3) U Don't Have to Call

I had a severe crush on "Natasha" but she was with a dude who I KNEW was cheating behind her back. I'm no hater, so I played my little position in the friend zone. I just liked being around her. She was the first woman I was like, nervous around.

THEN, one day they were broken up.i found out the feeling was mutual. We ended up hanging out everyday for two weeks. On Friday, she said "I'm going to get my hair done." I didn't hear from her again until Monday…

*checks facebook*

-Natasha and "Billy" have reconnected on Facebook-

-Natasha and Billy are in a relationship-

I. Was. PISSED. I don't think I closed my mouth for the rest of the day. Permanent "wow" face. I said some things I've never said to a woman before or after. Facebook ain't the devil, but he definitely  kicks it there.

2) Can U Get Wit It

My freshman year of college, I was broke …and a virgin. But I met my first love, also broke and virgined and from the Midwest like me. We cliques immediately, I think it was the Aquarius-smarter-than-thou connection. Anyway, I wanted to use my refund check to rent a nice hotel room, but you needed stupid shit, like EXTRA money on your card for incidentals. Smh. I had told her I was taking her special, but the hotel thing didn't work out. I was supposed to meet her at 7, but didn't show up until 9:30 because I was pleading with the hotel staff to honor my reservation, to no avail. 

When I showed up, all I had was the roses, and the story for what happened. Somehow, that was enough. Though I had deeper feelings, that night, I was just ready to lose "it" and apparently she felt the same…and got wit it. It was like Trey and Brandy in Boyz in Tha Hood. Ironically, they both went to Morehouse and Spelman, just like me and "Ashley"

1) Lovers and Friends

Musiq Soulchild had this song called "Half Crazy" which discussed the errors of turning a friendship romantic. Thing is, nothing is sexier to me than a woman who can be a good friend. That what it was like with "Candice."

We ate lunch together everyday, and laughed at the same things people. She was my buddy, and it was totally platonic. We also had mutual friends, so it was legit all fun and games.

THEN, there was a formal night. I think it was New Years Eve. And y'all know how New Years do. We didn't even wait until we got home. So, this story is a mix of "lovers and friends" and "love in this club." That's how you start off a new year!

Again, bad timing threatens things, and it took her forever to talk to me because, well, it was my fault. I be f***in up, but I'm a good dude. I don't recommend mixing friendship and romance unless you're in it for the long haul, but if you do, just enjoy those two weeks, or however long it lasts to the fullest. Cheers.